dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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