So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
