My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
