You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i out mim tonsoeep
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