**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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