Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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