If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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