By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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