Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
