know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
