Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
