I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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