I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
