how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Non-Jews are for practice
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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