I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
