oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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