my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
