i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
