My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
