Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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