1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
