I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
