We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
