i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
