my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
