I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
