C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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