so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
