just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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