a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
