when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
