i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
