Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
