Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
