and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
