OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
