I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
