You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
