she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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