i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
