I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
