I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
