I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
