I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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