the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
