Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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