Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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