Barsexuality is the new black.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize