walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
