dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're a waste of cheezeits
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
