Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
