1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
two words: eviction party
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
