operation harelip BJ is a go
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
