Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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