the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
