I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
