did you get engaged???
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize