Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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