I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
