Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
