I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
