My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
