So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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