Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
