We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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