Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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