Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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