UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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