Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
