her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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