In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
