I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
