I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
