handjob tips. give me some.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
